your one beauty- cracked
31 December 2005
30 December 2005
what the hell!
the boy is writing about someone else already! sending out an invitation of sorts. oh my freaking gosh!
i must not be a very good judge of character. maybe i'm just a huge idiot.
good thing the only thing i lost was some time and a chunk of travel money.
who does this?
i'm stunned.
fucker. ¶ 7:18 a.m. 3 comments
the boy is writing about someone else already! sending out an invitation of sorts. oh my freaking gosh!
i must not be a very good judge of character. maybe i'm just a huge idiot.
good thing the only thing i lost was some time and a chunk of travel money.
who does this?
i'm stunned.
fucker. ¶ 7:18 a.m. 3 comments
i want to avoid this. the walls need to keep getting lower
I don't wanna look¶ 3:37 a.m. 0 comments
Like some kind of fool
I don't wanna break
My heart over you
I'm building a wall
Every day it's getting higher
This time I won't end up
Another victim of love
You say that I could
Show some emotion
That I've been
Keeping secrets from you
But I can see through
All your sweet talk
And all of your affection untrue
I'm gonna find you out
If I scream and I shout
You won't break down my protection
I don't wanna look
Like some kind of fool
I don't wanna break
My heart over you
I'm building a wall
Every day it's getting higher
This time I won't end up
Another victim of love
I'm gonna lock up
What I'm feeling inside
Ain't no way you can
Break down the door
'Cos this time I've learned my lesson
You can take this declaration of war
Step right back
Put on your coat and your hat
Gonna avoid all complications
I don't wanna look
Like some kind of fool
I don't wanna break
My heart over you
I'm building a wall
Everyday it's getting higher
This time I won't end up
Another victim of love
29 December 2005
i've been very much a hermit this month and with that came a lot of thinking. too much at times and it has kept me awake many a night (and morning for that matter). my feelings are still running amok and i still find my eyes welling up but somehow, someway there has been a change.
this shift has me thinking even more but at least it has a more positive slant now.
edit: positive seems a bit of a strong word. i think what i mean by it is that i think i can maybe begin to inch forward. there seems to be s teeny tiny flicker of hope for something way down deep inside of me. it is not hope in regards to the boy but just hope, for something.
i read this over at the virgin's yesterday and i was struck by her naked truth. i feel quite similarily; that there may never be anyone for me and that i may not find anyone i want to be with. it's a bitch. ¶ 1:02 a.m. 2 comments
this shift has me thinking even more but at least it has a more positive slant now.
edit: positive seems a bit of a strong word. i think what i mean by it is that i think i can maybe begin to inch forward. there seems to be s teeny tiny flicker of hope for something way down deep inside of me. it is not hope in regards to the boy but just hope, for something.
i read this over at the virgin's yesterday and i was struck by her naked truth. i feel quite similarily; that there may never be anyone for me and that i may not find anyone i want to be with. it's a bitch. ¶ 1:02 a.m. 2 comments
spiralling
¶ 12:45 a.m. 1 comments
I try hard
To put you out of mind
Every night alone
I'm thinking 'bout you
How can I avoid this
Pain without you
I won't cry
I won't be sorry no more
I know that this is something I'll get over
Maybe I can learn to love another
It's just a matter of time
A matter of time
Just because I lock myself in my room
It doesn't mean that I'm afraid to talk to
Those people I know that might have you seen you
No return
I keep reminding myself
I won't look back
Won't regret a single moment
I gonna mend this heart inside you've broken
It's just a matter of time
A matter of time
It's just a matter of time
A matter of time
Show me the way
They say safety in numbers
I lift up my eyes to the sky
And imagine a crowd
Of hearts that surround me
And give the me courage to die
Were you to weep
And lie at my feet
Then you'd wash all
My troubles away
And imagine the host
Of angels around me
That give me the courage to die
27 December 2005
and christmas is over! even the year is almost done. it's time for a new start.
¶ 1:07 a.m. 2 comments
24 December 2005
22 December 2005
i'm tired of giving him my tears.
so far i cannot seem to stop the leak.
i do know it has more to do with 'life' than just him now.
things are changing.
i have no definition yet.
so far i cannot seem to stop the leak.
i do know it has more to do with 'life' than just him now.
things are changing.
i have no definition yet.
it will come. ¶ 2:36 a.m. 2 comments
20 December 2005
why do i put myself as the one in the wrong with the boy?
because right now i can only really analyze myself. i need to look at me; what i may have done or did not do, where i went wrong etc. i need to look at my would have, should have, could have's. i'm mean like that to myself.
i am someone that really cannot be told something wrong with myself that i do not already know. i'm not shocked if someone tells me something negative as i probably already know that trait in myself.
this is something that needs some work as i do get truly shocked when someone says nice things.
i 'm thinking that i'll get to the point of pissed off with him but i am not there yet.
instead i cry.
¶ 1:13 a.m. 2 comments
because right now i can only really analyze myself. i need to look at me; what i may have done or did not do, where i went wrong etc. i need to look at my would have, should have, could have's. i'm mean like that to myself.
i am someone that really cannot be told something wrong with myself that i do not already know. i'm not shocked if someone tells me something negative as i probably already know that trait in myself.
this is something that needs some work as i do get truly shocked when someone says nice things.
i 'm thinking that i'll get to the point of pissed off with him but i am not there yet.
instead i cry.
¶ 1:13 a.m. 2 comments
15 December 2005
13 December 2005
i have to say i hate having my feelings running amok.
it sucks.
so many questions that'll probably never be answered as he pretty much is ignoring me. sigh.
main two?
why wasn't my going there enought convince him i was interested?
he knew i'd never done that ever before.
what the hell is wrong with me?
(this is just where i am at in the process) ¶ 12:22 a.m. 4 comments
it sucks.
so many questions that'll probably never be answered as he pretty much is ignoring me. sigh.
main two?
why wasn't my going there enought convince him i was interested?
he knew i'd never done that ever before.
what the hell is wrong with me?
(this is just where i am at in the process) ¶ 12:22 a.m. 4 comments
06 December 2005
